RabbleRouse News Local Poet: Val Larsen
Grizzly on My Back
It’s gnawing again.
It sneaks up on me.
Right when I’m doing something mundane,
Or something meaningful,
Or something in- between.
Bam! There it is. In my mid- back.
A reminder that I’m not free.
That more is to come,
My body is not my own.
Soon, a grizzly’s paws dig in.
Unbearable pain sets in.
11 on the scale of 1-10.
Pulling my shoulders to my feet,
Ripping my insides out with his claws.
Agonizing, but I don’t cry out.
I refuse to give the bear that satisfaction.
A couch! A couch! Where’s a couch?
As if no ambulance in sight,
I must sometimes stand in pain.
But I won’t give up
My life to the couch.
So I walk. I exercise.
I zoom. I join friends.
And always, my pain comes along
To remind me I’m not alone.
I go with God who hates pain
As much as I do.
So I ask to be healed.
But in the meantime,
I have come to accept
This shrieking inside.
“Be gone, you! Leave me alone!”
It is an animal I can’t control
With pills or shots or exercise
Or positive thinking.
Sometimes short fixes work:
Communal prayer, pills, the couch.
I’ll take whatever works.
But the grizzly always grabs me
Again and again and again.
Yet a mustard seed of hope remains
That one day, God will shoot
That beast off me for good.
Val Larsen is a poet and retired English Teacher living in Los Angeles. Find her on Facebook
*Local Poet is a spotlight by RabbleRouse News on the poets among us… the school teacher, the neighbor, the accountant/songwriter… you? Email us if you or someone you know would like to be featured at RabbleRouseNews@gmail.com.
